


Silver

by BloodRedRidingHood



Series: I'll Be Your Shield [10]
Category: Captain America: The First Avenger - Fandom, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (2012)
Genre: 30 day challenge, F/M, Killing, Natasha breaks down, OTP I'll Be Your Shield, Promises, Psych Wards, Rape, Rape Aftermath, Violence, catatonic state
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-02
Updated: 2013-08-02
Packaged: 2017-12-22 04:38:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/909007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BloodRedRidingHood/pseuds/BloodRedRidingHood
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She hadn't said a word in weeks, not until she had said his name a few days ago.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Silver

**Author's Note:**

> As stated in the archive warnings, there is rape and violence in the story. Please read at your own risk.
> 
> Here is Day 10 in hawkwardeye's 30 Day Drabble Challenge. Please make sure you read days 1-9!

Natasha didn't know how long she'd been in the white room. There wasn't a clock, or windows, or anything that would let her know that time was passing. All that was in the room was a bed, a couch, and her. The door was seamless, blending into the walls as if it weren't even there, She knew people were watching her through the big black square of glass opposite the couch, but nobody ever tried to make contact, nobody except the orderly who walked her to the restroom every now and then.

She felt herself slipping back into the catatonic state that had been a constant for who knew how long. Settling onto the couch, she folded into herself. She rested her head on her knees and whispered a single word.

"Steve…"

\---

There was a voice at the edge of her consciousness. She pulled her mind toward it, grasping at the comfort she felt. There was a warm presence with her, a body wrapped around hers, fingers in her hair, and a peace in her heart.

She breathed, staring straight at the white wall in front of her, and slipped back into the blankness of her mind.

\---

_There were arms pinning her down, a person between her legs, and another body on the bed next to her. She had screamed herself hoarse, had worn herself out from fighting the men around her._

_The man between her legs was laughing, violating her in every way possible, hitting her with closed fists and open hands. He was rough, making her bleed and cry and beg._

_She wanted to die._

_And then there was a pillow over her face, a hand pressing down, cutting off her air. Finally, she stopped fighting, went limp, and everything went black._

\---

When Natasha came to, she was in the bed in the white room. Her legs and arms had been restrained, and her throat was raw.

"Natasha?"

She lifted her head as much as she could, looking over at the couch. Steve was sitting there, leaning towards her; he looked so sad, Natasha saw, and if the circles under his eyes were any indication, he hadn't slept in quite a while.

"Steve," she whispered. Smiling weakly, she let her head flop back onto the pillow beneath her, tears leaking from her eyes.

\---

_She woke up in the snow. She couldn't feel anything, but whether that was from the cold or from the trauma she had been through, she didn't know._

_They had dressed her in a white silk nightgown before dumping her body. She was covered in bruises, cuts, welts, and her own dried blood. It ran from her nose, an ear, and down her legs._

_She could see the estate at the bottom of the hill. The lights shining out into the darkness were a beacon, and she made her way towards them, blood lust fueling her every move._

\---

She was still restrained, but she didn't mind so much now. The orderly had explained that she had started screaming in her sleep, and had taken out two other orderlies before they were able to sedate her. The reason she was still restrained was because she was still fighting, still screaming, and they were worried about the safety of everyone involved.

Steve was there again, sitting next to the bed on a stool that the orderly had smuggled in for him. He didn't really talk much, just watched her as she slept.

Natasha was more conscious now that Steve was able to visit. He was her anchor, the bright spot in the middle of the blackness that her mind retreated into. She knew that she was safe whenever he was near her. 

\---

Steve had explained that she had been here for about a month. It was February, almost Valentine's Day. She had left on Christmas night for an undercover mission, one that involved a drug kingpin in Russia whose female employees were turning up dead.

As he told her all of this, she felt bile rising up in her throat. He didn't know any details from her mission --no one did, no one except her. She hadn't said a word in weeks, not until she had said his name a few days ago.

"Please, Natasha, you need to tell me what happened." Steve tucked her hair behind her ears. He was so gentle, so unlike everything she remembered in her dreams, and a sob escaped her.

She couldn't. Her lip began trembling, she turned away, and she stared at the wall until he left.

\---

_She hadn't shown anyone mercy. Every thug who had pulled a gun, whether or not they had been involved, every single one of them was killed. She had found a knife in the stables outside, and she used it brutally._

_When she finally made it to the master suite, she was red. There was so much blood covering her, dripping from her hair and fingers and nightgown._

_He had been waiting for her. He sat in his leather chair, drinking brandy, and smiling evilly at her. She jumped towards him, landing on the floor in front of him._

_She hacked and slashed at him, cutting him open and laying him bare. The last thing she did before plunging the knife into his throat was opening his fly and cutting off the one thing he was proud off._

_Natasha dropped the knife and headed back to her room. When she turned the corner to her hallway, she came face to face with the little boy who had been in her care. He took her hand and walked with her, climbing into the now-empty with her. She had found her beacon, and after curling into the little boy, pressed it and waited for someone to find them._

\---

They had removed the restraints, but she still wouldn't talk. Steve still came by every day, stayed for hours, and ran his fingers through her hair for hours before leaving again.

She knew it was important that he knew what had happened. He wasn't allowed access to her medical records, so he didn't know what she had been through, although she was sure he had figured it out by now.

Steve had told her that the little boy she had cared for was now in a new home in Paris. He also told her that the boy kept asking about her. He'd even sent a letter to her.

That broke Natasha's heart. They wouldn't let her read it for fear that she would slip back into her catatonic state. Until she was willing to open up to someone, they wouldn't risk it. 

\---

Natasha was waiting for Steve when he came back. He smiled at her and pulled her into his arms. She breathed in his familiar scent and felt herself relaxing. 

Steve lifted her up and took her to the couch, holding her the way he would if they were in her apartment. She hummed quietly and it was right then, as he hugged her tightly, that she was going to tell him.

And so she did.

She talked for hours, talked until she couldn't anymore. She told him how she had taken care of the little boy, how his father had known exactly who she was, had came into her room in the middle of the night with five of his body guards. She had snapped the neck of one of them before being beaten down by the other four, and then they held her down while their boss had raped her for hours. Natasha told Steve how they had left her for dead in the snow, how she had made her way back down to the estate and then killed all of them.

"I lost myself," she finished. "I haven't gotten that out of control in years, not since I've been with SHIELD." She swallowed the lump in her throat. "I missed it," she confessed. "I wouldn't blame you for not coming back here. I wouldn't."

Steve squeezed her shoulders, kissing her head. "Natasha, how many times do I have to tell you?" He tilted her head up so he could look her in the eyes. "I'm not going anywhere. I promise you."

Natasha fell asleep in his arms, his words echoing in her dreams.

When she woke up next, she was alone in the bed. Next to her was a small box and a note. 

_I promise._

She opened the box. Nestled in the velvet was a delicate ring of braided silver.


End file.
